German bed pillows give me nightmares. Next time I go to Berlin, I'm bringing my own.

• We need to talk about the German "crumple pillow" that baffles foreigners.
• On a recent trip to Berlin, this massive square pillow made getting a good night's sleep impossible.
• It doesn't seem to have redeeming health benefits, so I'm bringing my own next time I'm in Germany.

I never paid much mind to the pillow I rest my head on at night until I went to Berlin.

Germany's capital is known for its cool vibes, artsy cultural scene, and unique history, but the country's truly terrible bed pillows are seared into my memory.

They drove my boyfriend and me to distraction — first because of the discomfort, then over the lunacy of it all.

A classic German bed pillow is a monstrosity measuring 31 by 31 inches (80 by 80 centimeters if you're local). In comparison, a standard US pillow is 20 by 26 inches. I don't know how big your head is, but I daresay that's plenty of space for it.

The first night in Berlin, we shrugged at the unusual format and went to bed, our heads teetering on the edges of two giant pillows that stretched out far above. We chuckled — experiencing different cultures is the fun of travel!

But a few hours later, I woke up. Why was my head resting on the mattress? The pillow was still there, but it didn't look the same. All the stuffing had somehow migrated into a halo, hugging the corners of the pillowcase, leaving the center empty and flat.

No wonder my neck was complaining: This pillow provided no more support than a T-shirt. Confused, I scooped it up, tucked the edges in like a bread loaf, and went back to sleep. But the same thing happened a few more times that night, and the next night too.

The pillow kept unfurling, and with it, my sanity.

Fighting his own nocturnal pillow battle, my boyfriend got a tip from the Germany subreddit that worked OK: Take the bottom corners of the pillow and push them upwards inside the cover, until they meet the top corners.

This gave us a pillow that more resembled a standard US one, and crucially, it mostly stayed in place, so we only had to repeat the process once or twice per night.

But we were perplexed. It was the first thing we discussed each morning, freshly frustrated and unable to let it go.

A lot of people have beef with the pillows of Germany — but some like them for cuddling

We weren't alone in our struggle.

The first Google result for "German pillows" is "German pillows are a crime against sleep," an article by travel blogger Ryan Murdock who writes: "I've devoted a considerable amount of time to thinking about those giant square pillows. … Only a giraffe could use one of those square sleep thieves without suffering acute spinal discomfort."

I kept digging, and I learned that although the giant marshmallow pillow is the German standard, other sizes are now also available across the country.

This made the pillows even more confusing: Why would a pragmatic people like the Germans continue to choose this miserable situation? Instead of a nightly tucking project, you could just have a pillow that stays put, leaving you to sleep in blessed peace.

Back in the Germany subreddit, defenders explained that they enjoy laying flat on the mattress actually, while others said they really like "cuddling" these pillows.

Before you say that's just some weirdos on the internet, these pillows are actually known as "knautschkissen," which can roughly translate to "crumple cushion." The restlessness created by these ridiculous things may actually be by design.

"I like to cuddle my pillow. But I also like to fight and box it at night," Juliane Hedderich, managing director of the Association of the German Down and Feather Industry, told The Wall Street Journal in 2022.

The article then postulates that Germany's large pillows are a heritage of the country's love of feather and down, a habit they picked up from the Romans.

That's cool and all, but I'll just point out that present-day Romans in Italy have perfectly pleasant and unremarkable pillows.

Sorry, Berlin, I've crumpled my last pillow.

Wanting to keep an open mind, I called Dr. Kien Vuu, assistant professor of Health Sciences at UCLA. Maybe there's a health benefit to these mega pillows I'm not aware of.

"There's no one size fits all for pillows," said Vuu, author of "Thrive State: Your Blueprint for Optimal Health, Longevity and Peak Performance." He recommends choosing a pillow that will "allow your body to best fit in its natural alignment."

A low-profile pillow like a slack German specimen may suit a stomach sleeper, as it won't cause neck strain. But Vuu doesn't think it would do much for back or side sleepers, who seem to make up the majority of adults.

"You probably do need some support to support that normal curvature of the neck," said Vuu, who recommends choosing a pillow based on how your body feels in the morning: If you're in pain, you probably need to change things up.

That's certainly what I'll be doing. We're living in the time of a growing multibillion-dollar sleeping-pillow market — we don't need to sacrifice a good night's sleep even when we're traveling.

Next time I go to Germany, I'm bringing a pillow from home. As silly as that may sound, the improved sleep will be worth the extra checked-bag charge.