I'm a pediatrician and a mom. I can't even follow my own advice.

• I sometimes struggle to follow the advice I give as a pediatrician about how to best raise kids.
• I try to prioritize a few parenting skills, including modeling self-regulation and praising effort.
• Letting parents off the hook for following every guideline frees them up to focus on the essentials.

My eldest daughter has been alone in her room, headphones on, playing "Minecraft" for the past three hours. She's been doing this for days — and I don't feel the least bit guilty. In fact, I feel kind of proud of the decision I made this weekend to let her veg and block out the world.

A week ago she found out a best friend was moving east to be closer to her grandparents. Two days later a classmate called her "weird" to her face. Yesterday she tried to face her fears and join the before-school choir practice but got too nervous and ended up running off the stage, chiding herself for not being brave enough. "Will I ever be normal?" she asked me.

Change is stressful for any kid, but my daughter has autism and anxiety, so weeks like this rock her world. I don't use screens to soothe every wound the world inflicts, but every once in a while, solitude and a bit of digital self-care are just the right medicine. Teaching problem-solving skills can wait for another day.

I don't always follow my own advice as a pediatrician

If you read my résumé, you might be surprised by my approach to parenting. After all, as a pediatrician, I spend all day doling out advice about how to keep kids healthy. I'm even an American Academy of Pediatrics spokesperson and an author.

But in my own home, even I fall short of the standards we set. My youngest just got a cavity because she wasn't flossing (like, at all). "Minecraft" is eating my oldest alive this weekend.

But guess what? I don't care (though I do care about the cavity). Why? Because real life happens. The dog pees all over the floor while I'm in the middle of putting groceries away. Or I come home too late from work to get an elaborate meal on the table and we settle for mac and cheese. I have to forget about the "right" thing to do for everyone else and just do what's right for me.

When I look at all the "good advice" and official recommendations physicians like me give parents about how to raise their kids — from how to perfectly handle toddler tantrums to how to organize a playroom — I know in my own heart that half of that stuff will never happen. All it's really going to do is make parents feel even more like they're not measuring up.

And if I can't follow half the advice I'm supposed to give, where does that leave all the other parents? What if we gave them permission to do less, to focus on the essentials of being good parents?

Not all parents can wade through the deluge of advice they receive day in and day out. But here are six things we can do to help our children as they grow up.

Be sensitive and responsive

Understand who your kid is and what they need, and parent accordingly. To my oldest daughter, even slight redirection, if she's already dysregulated, can feel like an attack. I know she needs a minute to collect herself.

Model self-regulation

Show your kids how to act by saying things like, "I'm frustrated, and I'm taking a time-out so I can figure out what to do next" instead of yelling at them to "clean this mess up now!"

You're teaching your kids that taking a pause before you act leads to better problem-solving.

Set limits for yourself and your kids

If you're on an important work call, let your children know they'll need to wait until your call ends to have your full attention.

Likewise, when you tell your kids they need to clean their rooms before family movie night on Friday, hold them to it.

Allow space for unrestrained skill development

Let your kids play in the backyard, dig in the dirt, and explore in the woods. Provide art supplies but give no specific directions for using them. And, importantly, give them time to get bored.

Support internal motivation and resilience over external motivation

When your child studies diligently but doesn't perform well on a math test, praise the effort over the outcome. Encourage them to try again and to problem-solve about what they could do better for next time.

Develop healthy routines

Aim for a consistent bedtime and wake time. Offer regular opportunities for movement, whether that's through organized sports or daily walks around the block. Let your kids know ahead of time which adults will take them to school and pick them up.

By asking parents to do less, we may find they actually have the energy to do more of what matters when it comes to kids' health, like building connections. So next time my daughter has a week and I see her entering her third hour of "Minecraft," know what I'm going to do? Nothing.