7 Things DINKS Should NEVER Say to Couples With Children

It’s easy to think a comment is “just a joke” until it lands like a brick. Conversations between DINKS and friends who are raising kids can get awkward fast, especially when money, free time, and exhaustion are all sitting right on the surface. Most people aren’t trying to be rude—they’re trying to connect and accidentally sound smug, judgmental, or dismissive. The goal isn’t to walk on eggshells, it’s to avoid the lines that shut people down and replace them with words that actually build trust. If you value your relationships with couples with children, a few small tweaks can make you the friend they feel safe talking to.

1. “I Don’t Know How You Do It”

This sounds supportive, but it can come off like you’re treating their life as a hardship or them as a cautionary tale. Some parents hear it as pity instead of respect. It also puts them in the awkward position of having to reassure you or defend their choices when they were just sharing a normal moment. A better move is to recognize the effort without making it sound tragic. Try: “That’s a lot to juggle—how can I make it easier to see you?”

2. “We Could Never Spend That Much on Kids Stuff”

Even if the price tag is shocking, that sentence turns budgeting into judgment. Parents don’t just buy things for fun—they buy safety items, school supplies, and basic necessities that don’t always have cheap alternatives. It can also sound like you’re implying they’re irresponsible, which makes couples with children defensive immediately. If you want to be helpful, ask questions instead of critiquing choices. Try: “Does your school require that brand, or do they allow other options?”

3. “Just Get a Babysitter and Come Out”

This assumes childcare is easy to find, affordable, and emotionally simple for every family. For many parents, babysitters cost a lot, schedules are tight, and kids have needs that make leaving harder than it looks. Saying “just” is the giveaway, because it minimizes the effort and stress behind a night out. Couples with children often want to see friends, but they may need more flexible plans. Try: “Would an early dinner work, or should we do something at your place?”

4. “You Signed Up for This”

This is one of those lines that feels like a mic drop, but it kills connection. Yes, parenting is a choice for many people, but that doesn’t mean parents can’t be tired, overwhelmed, or frustrated. It also turns a normal vent into a lecture, which is not what friendship is for. When couples with children share a hard moment, they’re usually asking for empathy, not a reminder of the contract they signed. Try: “That sounds like a lot—do you want to vent or problem-solve?”

5. “Our Lives Are So Much Easier Without Kids”

Even if you believe it, saying it out loud can come across as superiority. It frames the conversation like a comparison where they lose, and nobody wants to stay in that kind of conversation. It also ignores that many parents love their lives and their kids deeply, even while they’re exhausted. Couples with children don’t need you to pretend you have the same lifestyle, but they do want respect. Try: “We’ve got different routines, but I’d love to stay close—what kind of plans feel doable right now?”

6. “Why Don’t You Just…” Fix-It Advice

Unsolicited advice is one of the fastest ways to turn a friendly chat into a defensive debate. Parents get a constant stream of opinions from relatives, the internet, and strangers at the store, so they’re already saturated. When DINKS jump in with “why don’t you just sleep-train, meal prep, switch schools, change jobs,” it can sound like you think the solution is obvious and they’re missing it. Most of the time, couples with children have already considered the simple fixes and are stuck with the complex ones. Ask first: “Do you want ideas, or do you just need to vent?”

7. “Your Kids Are Spoiled/Out of Control”

This might be the most explosive comment on the list, because it attacks what parents care about most. Even if a kid is having a rough moment, labeling the child or the parenting invites conflict. It also puts parents in a position where they either defend themselves or feel ashamed, and neither outcome helps your relationship. If something genuinely affects you—like repeated chaos at your home—set a boundary without insults. Try: “Let’s plan meetups at the park or outdoors for a while so everyone can move around.”

A Better Script for Staying Close, Not Stepping on Landmines

You don’t have to share the same lifestyle to be a solid friend. Lead with curiosity, respect their constraints, and offer options that don’t require them to perform a perfect parenting moment. Keep humor aimed at situations, not at their choices, and avoid turning money conversations into comparisons. If you slip up, a quick “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded—thanks for telling me” goes a long way. Relationships stay strong when couples with children feel seen instead of judged.

What’s one phrase you’ve heard that made a conversation instantly awkward, and what would you say instead?

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