Should You Give Back The Ring?

Hello DINKS.  Today we are discussing what happens and ways that we can adjust when our relationship comes to an end. 

This past week two of my DINK girlfriends found themselves back on the singles market and adjusting to their new lives with a single income.  Maybe it was the stress of the holidays aftermath, or maybe it was the stress of the winter blues; but either way two of my thirty something year old girlfriends are now back on the market.

I know that some of our DINKS Finance readers are happily married, some readers are remarried with merged families, and I know that some of our DINKS Finance readers are unmarried DINKS.  I am not married to my boyfriend Nick but I would definitely like to have a ring…someday.  My question to you DINKS is… if you promise to live your life with someone, and the relationship ends before the marriage starts, should you give back the ring?

An engagement ring is a gift that turns a boyfriend into a fiancé and it turns a girlfriend into a bride to be.  But is an engagement ring really a gift?  I am not 100% sure!  Some people think that an engagement ring is a gift, but generally gifts are given on specific occasions such as birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, and graduations.  I am not sure that an engagement is a special occasion.  When a relationship comes to an end usually people don’t ask for all of their gifts from birthdays past to be returned, and therefore we shouldn’t ask for our engagement ring back, if we honestly consider it to be a gift.

Speaking of, the most popular engagement ring, according to Blue Nile, is French Pavé Diamond Engagement Ring in 14k White Gold (1/4 ct. tw.).  It basically looks like this:

The French Pavé ring sells for something like $1,649.00 on Amazon. Amazon also has ton of engagement rings, which can be fun to look at, here.

Some people consider an engagement ring to be a promise, a promise to get married and spend the rest of our lives with someone, supposedly the person whom we want to spend the rest of our life.  However, promises are sometimes broken and if that promise is broken maybe we have the right to ask for the engagement ring back.  I would love to know how our male DINKS readers feel about this.  If you spent $3000 on an engagement ring and made a promise to marry your girlfriend, but then your girlfriend broke that promise, would you expect to get the ring back?

My friend Carol-Anne decided not to give back the engagement ring to her former fiancé.  She decided to break off the 1 year engagement to her 3 year boyfriend after he wasn’t willing to relocate with her to pursue her career goals.  Carol-Anne told her ex-fiance that she was keeping the engagement ring that he gave to her and in exchange he could keep the Playstation 3 that she gave to him as a birthday gift since both items have approximately the same value.  Maybe an engagement ring should be treated as a gift, but maybe it should become communal property within a couple and the value of the asset should be divided if the relationship comes to an end.

I cannot speak from experience because I have never been engaged, but I think that I would give back the engagement ring because I wouldn’t want to look at (or continuing wearing) a daily reminder of my failed relationship.  On the other hand, an engagement ring is an asset; maybe I would keep the ring and sell it for the current market value to help fund my new single income life.

What would you do?

(Photo by Lucas_James)