The dating scene in the Midwest is heating up

• Remote work has led many people to move, particularly from the coasts to cheaper, smaller cities.
• It's introduced a fresh wave of young professionals shaking up the dating scene.
• But a new influx of transplants also creates divides among young professionals and locals.

The Bryant Lake Bowl & Theater in Minneapolis is seeing lots of new faces on Monday nights.

That's when the combination restaurant, bowling alley, and theater runs its cheap-date-night deal: a rotating entrée, two beers or a shared bottle of wine, and a free game of bowling — all for $38 a couple.

The deal has lured in first dates galore, said Peggy Dainty, a manager at Bryant Lake.

Some of these dates have resulted in repeat dates, marriages, and anniversary celebrations. And since the venue is in an apartment- and condo-heavy neighborhood, there's always a new cast of characters. That's been especially true as transplants have touched down.

"The neighborhood is so young and fresh, and it kind of changes over who's moving into town. It just evolves," Dainty said. "I feel like we constantly get newcomers and new people that are coming to check it out."

It's a similar story at Hatch'd, a trendy breakfast-and-brunch spot in St. Louis. Hatch'd, which opened in 2022, has become a go-to spot for folks new to the area, said Joshua Sturma, the owner and operator. He chalks some of that up to Google results: When people search for breakfast, more often than not Hatch'd pops up.

"We have had a lot of people have first dates here and have a lot more after that," Sturma said. He attributed that to quaint vibes and a proliferation of two-tops.

The rise of remote work has resulted in new waves of migration and, in turn, refreshed dating pools around the country. Out of the 817,669 people who left California last year, 93,107 moved to the Midwest, which the Census Bureau says encompasses Illinois, Indiana, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, North Dakota, Ohio, South Dakota, and Wisconsin. And of the 545,598 people who left New York last year, 41,730 headed to the Midwest. Some are bringing their coastal salaries with them.

And some of those movers are ready to mingle. A Bank of America analysis found that over 90% of 2023 movers into St. Louis, the home of Hatch'd, were single-person households.

The influx of singles isn't purely a perk for locals. Matt R., a senior at Indiana University who dates both men and women, has seen firsthand the divide between locals and the educated young professionals and students flocking into the area — especially with housing costs skyrocketing.

"There's almost a class divide in dating between young professionals or students and then people that are the same age but maybe don't have a college degree and just work somewhere in town," he said. Matt chalked that up to the fact that "people want to date people like them."

He thinks those students and young professionals might feel less inclined to pursue someone in blue-collar work and would rather date each other.

When it comes to the future of Midwest dating, he said, "I hope this can change, but I think a lot of people in a lower tax bracket might just move elsewhere." He added that there's "definitely the problem of these young professionals kind of pushing locals out."

A shift in the dating mindset

People are yearning to find love, said Courtney Quinlan, the CEO and matchmaker at Midwest Matchmaking.

Her agency mainly services the Dakotas, the Twin Cities, Chicago, Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and Missouri. While business is usually always booming, it's booming even more now in the wake of the pandemic. She's also getting more calls than ever from LGBTQ+ communities.

"We're super busy and are signing up people. I work seven days a week," she said, adding: "I never get a day off. And I love it."

At the same time, dating priorities are shifting, she said. Gone are the days of app dominance, especially as younger people forsake online dating for in-person connections. There's also a shift away from dating with the specific aim of settling into marriage and parenthood right away. Quinlan said she'd noticed what she believes is a more coastal version of dating.

"I think there's always been such a pressure in society, especially in the Midwest, to get married, have kids, have your white picket fence, all the things," Quinlan said.

Now, people want something different: someone they love, "their person," rather than someone who just checks their boxes for a spouse. It's a more romanticized, less utilitarian view of partnering up.

They're also getting back to the basics. "People that are really serious about dating are sick of using all the technology, like the constant swiping, the constant videos, the constant texting, all of that," Quinlan said.

She predicted that people seeking out that just-right partner, as Midwesterners are now, would be more into getting together for coffee or meeting at places like dog parks than "hiding behind their cellphone and their apartment chatting for three months and then finding the person they were chatting with is somebody totally different or getting ghosted after three months."

Quinlan believes the shift originated in larger coastal cities and migrated inland along with pandemic-era transplants. She's increasingly hearing that desire from people born and raised in places like Kansas City or Sioux Falls.

"Everything that comes from the bigger cities and the coast, the music, the clothes, everything kind of migrates to the Midwest, and we kind of get it last," Quinlan said. "I think that mindset and that culture has been going on in bigger cities for obviously longer."

People want to connect, but newcomers also bring challenges

Like other Americans, Midwesterners both new and old are eager to connect right now. Look no further than Pop-Up Commons in Omaha, Nebraska. Started in 2023, the community center was created to be a third space for Nebraskans to congregate in — and, yes, perhaps to date each other.

"We're starting to see a lot of people gather here as their third space and meet people, which is really awesome," Maranda Taylor, one of the cofounders, said. "We've been able to connect so many people to each other."

Taylor said Pop-Up Commons' old-school, diner-style speed dating was "wildly successful," and a ladies' night event devoted to talking about taboo topics, including sex, sold out before ticket sales even closed.

Since the pandemic, everybody's been lonely, Taylor said. They're searching for connections and a third space outside work and home. That includes newcomers, who find the space on Google and come in for a variety of reasons.

"For the most part, it is a good mix of all sorts of people," she said.

Quinlan, who's been a matchmaker for 18 years, said politics has emerged as a big divider among prospective daters. Before the mid-2010s, she rarely had to ask people about their political affiliation. But over the past eight years — and especially in the thick of the pandemic — it's become something they've absolutely had to ask.

"It completely changed the way we did matching," she said. "We could have a really great match at one point that we would've matched five years ago, but there's no way in hell we would've matched 'em when the views had completely changed when politics were involved."

Quinlan said that these days the polarization has calmed a bit, with people willing to match with others who may not see eye to eye but aren't extreme in their views. Match and Indiana University's 2022 "Singles in America" survey of 5,000 single adult Americans — including over 1,000 Midwesterners — found that 45% of those single Midwesterners said they'd date someone who had "very different political views."

Ultimately, Quinlan is hopeful about the new trends she's seen in dating.

"It's interesting to watch people who are like they're actually going to find — and they want to find — their person for love versus to check their boxes, which I think is awesome," she said. "I hope that it helps reduce divorce because that's such a high rate in our country. I'll be interested to see what happens there."

Do you have thoughts about dating in the Midwest? Reach out to this reporter at [email protected].